THE WAY I FEEL THE THINGS I FEEL

May 12

It’s beginning to look like spring.

Dec 30

[video]

Dec 22

Maybe

I remember people telling me, “Maybe you’re just tired.” after I told them I cried.

Absolutely.

‘Tired’ is a loose term, like ‘Hate’ is a strong word.

I may be tired because of work. Trying so hard to get things done in a relatively short time. Tired of pushing myself to the limit for the sake of knowing my own limit. To make myself satisfied. To make others happy.

Maybe I’m tired of hiding my feelings. I’ve been trying to be okay with how I feel, even when I’m feeling numb. Tired of wondering if the one I secretly like feels the same way. Tired of thinking about so many what-ifs. Tired of waiting for my better-half to show up, hold my hands and make me believe that everything is going to be alright.

Maybe I’m tired of letting people doing things that annoy me. Trying to tolerate them and not being rude just because I want to avoid conflicts. Tired of talking myself into, “Mind your own business.”. Tired of this never-ending battle inside me.

Maybe all I have to do is stop thinking and start crying. Just because.